Love Compels
“Nearly 1 in 5 American adults will have a diagnosable mental health condition in any given year.”
“46 percent of Americans will meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition sometime in their life and half of those people will develop conditions.”
And for every adult diagnosed with a mental health condition, there is likely a family, friend, caretaker that is directly or indirectly impacted.
The advancement of mental health awareness and treatment over the past few years has been truly impactful and inspiring. Our society now has a better understanding mental health, and thus has better tools, resources, and systems to care for those diagnosed. However, in the midst of all of the conversation surrounding mental health, there is oftentimes a very important component of one’s mental health journey that is too often left out – the experience of the family (and friends) of those diagnosed. It is important to give voice to those who are impacted.
The new normal
I found it an honor that my brother trusted me to help him on his path of healing. It is something I took with great seriousness, intention and pride. I made it my mission to ensure that my brother was safe and positioned to begin the process of healing.
From a practical standpoint, there are really great tips and resources to assist while you support your love one. This includes things like becoming more aware and educated, encouraging treatment (becomes often times one may not recognize or have come to the self-realization that they need help), providing support, identifying the warning signs of worsening depression, staying alert of the warning signs of self-hurt, etc.
However, in practice/actuality, supporting my brother through his healing process became much more complex and sometimes difficult. I had to quickly learn how to support and encourage my brother, while coping with the range of symptoms and behaviors of his illness.
Some common challenges included:
The mental illness often became the family’s primary focus. There were moments where we all became completely engulfed with his well-being.
Family members having different perceptions of the problem and having conflicts about the solutions. My family and I were in constant communication to ensure that we not only were aligned with our approach, but provided support to each other
Feelings of helplessness, frustration, loss, guilt and compassion fatigue. This is very real sentiments experienced.
The whole family can be affected by mental health challenges. There are countless of situations in which families are having to grapple with every day. And sadly, most families are not prepared to cope with learning their loved one has a mental illness. And it can be physically and emotionally demanding, and can make one feel vulnerable to the opinions and judgments of others. But there is hope. There are resources that can help families.
Take care of yourself
Caregivers, family members, and friends need support too. Caretaker burnout is a real thing. I found myself increasingly emotional and fatigued. Not to mention, there is a level of powerlessness that comes from being limited in helping your love one goes through their own process of healing. There was also a level of guilt, as I didn’t want my own grief and sadness to interfere with my brother’s process.
I had to first learn that I must have acceptance of my feelings. That it was ok to feel what I was feeling. I then began to actively seek out a support system that served as a sounding board for my thoughts and feelings.
Things I felt I could have done more of, especially in the initial stages, included setting more healthy boundaries, seeking professional help, and using other coping techniques like prayer, exercise, and regular sleep.
Love Compels
There are as many different types of motivations as there are personalities. And of course, the intensity of those motivations can range from mild to obsessive. We must continuously self-examine ourselves to discover these motivations, as it helps us to better understand why we do the things that we do.
So, what motivates us particularly in the face of adversity? It is Love. Love compels.
I spent many days and nights completely overwhelmed. I spent considerable amount of time and resources to ensure that I was present and that he felt loved. But if given the option, I’d do it all over again. It is love that motivates me to continue to walk with my brother on this journey. It is love for my brother that proud of the progress he has made on his journey. It is love that compels me to continue to stand by him as he pursues his purpose in life.
The word “compel” is defined as “to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly.” It is this level of intensity that will propel you when you get weary, and have loneliness and doubt. Remember why and who (God, and love for his people) you do it all for.
Love compels.
- Teleisha Williams