Last year was unbearable. I tried to defeat depression and anxiety with everything that I possibly had. I used the spirit and fortitude of both of my grandmothers to fight my mental illness. But I grew tired. Eventually, I felt like I was fighting myself. I even felt like I was fighting God. But not once did it cross my mind to ask for help. Not once. 

For me, it was pride. It was fear. It was the complete sadness that I even got to the point of needing help. However, I remembered another part of my grandmothers’ spirit. They understood the meaning of community and support. They were even shoulders to lean on for others around them. I know you have heard maw maw say things like “It takes a village..” 

So yea, the point finally came. I needed help. I remember vividly calling my dad and crying for help and trying to cling on to some type of hope. Once I asked -- or even screamed -- for help, I promise you, I felt a burden of shame and guilt lifted. Was it hard to solely depend on others? Of course. But it is okay. Everyone needs a hand of support from time to time. I learned to depend on my family and friends. My doctor even suggested that I get an accountability partner to talk to, help me stay safe, set goals with and keep me committed to the process of healing. (Shout out to my accountability partner. Love you.) 

This does not make you weak or diminish your self-sufficiency. You acknowledging that you need support IS your strength. It is your self-sufficiency. 

Take some time to read Luke 5:17-39. There was a paralyzed man who wanted to see Jesus as he was passing by. Due to the crowd and inability to walk, his friends tore a hole in the roof, carried him on a bed, and lowered him to see Jesus. 

Jesus ultimately healed this man due to his determination and action of faith. Of course, we should get excited at God’s gift of healing. But my love for this story is not just the extraordinary miracle. It is also the man’s power and courage to advocate for his needs. It is his strength to be vulnerable enough to be helped, just to meet the moment. And also, take a look at his support system. How beautiful is his friends’ love and concern for him. They cared enough to ensure that the friend in need of lifting, achieved his destiny. 

You will not have all of the answers. You won’t always have the vigor to lower yourself through the roof, but all hope is not lost. There is help available to you.

Here are some lessons I learned along the way: 

• Take your time. Healing isn't a journey with a departure and arrival date. It's a process with detours, rest stops, layovers and checkpoints. So, go at your own pace. Always focus on yourself first.

• Make sure those who are helping are strong enough to lower your bed. Everyone isn’t able to understand the process or story. Everyone will not have the capacity that is required to help you along the way. Some won’t even have the proper tools to dig a hole in the roof. That is okay. Yet, in this journey, your surroundings are important. Peace and stability will be key in your progression to health. As a result, you should not be triggered or negatively impacted by those helping. Choose wisely who you depend on. Pray for the right support system.

• Accept help. Accept love. People love you and care for you. People need you to survive. Allow that love to be a natural agent of healing.
  

Whenever I express guilt when soliciting my accountability partner’s help, he ALWAYS asks me “If I needed your help or if I was sick….. Would you do the same for me?” Without fail, I always give a resounding “yes of course!” Anytime he says that, he reminds me to extend that same grace to myself. He reminds me that I am deserving of love, comfort and support. This is true for you too. There is help and it's available to you. Asking for help is not only courage, but it is the path toward emotional resilience.